Writer: Paul Lieberstein, Director: Paul Lieberstein
Summary (NBC): As Jan renovates the condo, Michael confronts his growing debt every way he can. Pam and Jim spend a night out on Dwight’s family farm. One-hour episode.
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The Office Money quotes
Michael: Steak! Where’s my steak!
Michael: Meryl Streep is the bad guy.
Pam: He’s watching Million Dollar Baby. He’s gonna try to kill me.
Jan: It costs what it costs.
Michael: At the end of my life, when I’m sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No, I’m going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money-wise.
Jan: Conniving little runt, put him through.
Dwight: Schrute Farms. Guttentag.
Dwight: We make our own mattresses that don’t conform to the traditional sizes. Closest would be twin.
Jim: Does the Department of Health know about this?
Dwight: I am not telling you anything. Permits are pending.
Jan: Why don’t you just pretend that you have a car?
Dwight: I was recently scrubbing my room of memories and I didn’t see it there.
Dwight: I don’t care. They’re your oats.
Michael: You wouldn’t understand. It’s a secret.
Jim: I wouldn’t understand, or it’s a secret?
Pam: You wouldn’t understand, Jim. It’s a secret.
Michael: It won’t be that fast, but it will be that easy.
Pam: The Beets Motel. The Embassy Beets. Radish Inn.
Michael: I took this second job kind of as a hobby.
Dwight: We have three rooms, each with a different theme.
Pam: What are the themes?
Dwight: America, irrigation, and night time.
Jim: We will be requiring a bedtime story.
Jim: Not even Harry Potter?
Dwight: As of this morning, we are completely wireless here at Schrute Farms. But as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we’ll get that power back on.
Michael: These meetings are useless.
Jim: Mmm, I’d say one in six.
Jim: Oh, I thought you asked me what our chances were of being murdered here tonight.
Jim: I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure. Just … less.
Michael: I wonder what I would’ve been back home.
Michael: Medical school must have cost like $40 or a donkey or something.
Michael: I would have been chief of surgery. Or a cowboy.
Pam: What century is this?
Dwight: I am better than you have ever been or ever will be.
Ryan: Hey guys! What’s happening? How’s my favorite branch doing?
Michael: Power point, power point, power point.
Michael: And up comes the tool bar. That’s what she said.
Michael: “Estimated time, 12 minutes.” So this should take about five or ten minutes.
Michael: What I do between 5:30pm and 1am is nobody’s business but mine and my other businesses.
Jim: Are you a cocktail waitress?
Kelly: Ryan used me as an object.
Michael: No one asked you anything ever, so whomever’s name is Toby, why don’t you take a letter opener and stick it in your skull.
Telemarketing boss: Come back anytime. Don’t forget to disinfect your headset.
Michael: The good thing about the American Dream is that you can just go to sleep, and try it all again the next night.
Andy: I have moonwalked past accounting, like, ten times.
Andy: Maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain.
Pam: Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn’t do that to Dwight. Or Angela. Or Andy.
Michael: Do you have any tips or ideas about sure things?
Michael: Do you know anybody in the mob?
Michael: Monkey problems. No, I’m not having monkey problems.
Michael: Maybe I am having an affair with Suzanne Somers.
Michael: I don’t talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude and unsexual.
Darryl: You need to access your uncrazy side.
Kelly: I mean, who says exactly what they’re thinking. What kind of game is that.
Creed: Nobody just picks up “Get out of jail free” cards. Those things cost thousands.
Creed: Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature’s do-over.
Michael: I’ve always wanted to be in the witness protection program.
Michael: I’m a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs. That’s the life.
Michael: I didn’t say it; I declared it.
Andy: I got game.
Michael: That is so cool how you have my name at the top.
Pam: “Table-making never seemed so possible.”
Oscar: Due to Michael’s clever financial maneuvering, he finds himself tremendously in debt.
Angela: Nothing fancy or foreign. No bars, no patios, no vegetables. And no seafood.
Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? Yeah, I didn’t think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy, and I just couldn’t take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. And then weird stuff, like, food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
Pam: Jim’s just really passionate about Italian food.
Jim: Yep, I’m very passionate about Italian food. In fact, um, I’m in love with Italian food.
Michael: A guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you.
Jan: You were there for me. By my side. Without even a thought.
Michael: Don’t sell your implants, please.
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