The Office: Nepotism, 7.01

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The Office Nepotism

Writer: Danny Chun, Director: Jeffrey Blitz

Summary (NBC): Michael refuses to fire the new office assistant after everyone complains about his bad attitude. Andy plays it cool after Erin shows interest in another man. Meanwhile, Pam tries to impress Jim by pulling an office prank of her own. (The Office Season 7 premiere)

The Office Nepotism extras

The Office Nepotism rating

In a poll conducted September 23-27, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.79/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Nepotism quotes

Kelly: You make it so hard to love you sometimes.

Angela: I said I didn’t want to be on the Internet!

Michael: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It’s sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected, even though I peed on it. Saw “Inception.” Or at least I dreamt I did.

Andy: Broccoli Rob, obviously, will be there.
Erin: Yes, of course.

Andy: We call him Blorville because he looks like a black Orville Redenbacher.

Gabe: I started dating Erin this summer. It has been, in a word, exquisite.

Erin: Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank god he’s my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date if I didn’t have to, but… it’s been great.

Andy: Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? No. I’ve been through anger management, okay? So right now, I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, gazing out across the whitecaps. Oh look, it’s a humpback whale. How pretty. He’s eating Gabe.

Dwight: From now on, if you’re hot, sit on an ice pack.
Kevin: Well, what if you’re cold?
Dwight: Like you’d ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions, okay? I’m too busy.
Jim: Hey Dwight, I don’t know if you heard, but we’re supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks instead of cups like regular people. Oh, you did hear.
Dwight: Jim, you have one job to do and you do it forgettably. Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration.

Dwight: Dwight Schrute. Star salesman. Beet farmer. Bed and breakfast proprietor. Aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list, owner of this building. Then burn the list.

Kelly: This summer, I did the minority executive training program at Yale. You guys, I’m like really smart now, you don’t even know. You could ask me, “Kelly, what’s the biggest company in the world?” And I’d be like, “blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah,” giving you the exact right answer.

Luke: Coffee Monkey’s arrived.

Darryl: My summer, I blew out my knee playing softball. Ended up watching CNN most of the time. I don’t know how we’re going to get out of Afghanistan. I hate the new assistant. He’s only been here for a week. I hate him.

Andy: I’m the Nard Dog, okay? Nard Man is my father.

Luke: My name is Luke Cooper. I love cinema. My favorite movies are Citizen Kane and The Boondock Saints.

Dwight: The bigger the keychain, the more powerful the man.

Jim: What happened to me this summer? Dwight bought the building, so actually, this has been the busiest summer of my life.

Jim: So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert.

Luke: What’s up, Venus?

Meredith: Turn off the Chumbawamba and scram, twerp.

Michael: And another thing I did this summer: I hired my nephew.

Michael: Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me, because his mother, who also happens to be my half-sister, kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years ago… 14. The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of ‘Ace Ventura II’ and that was ’95, so yes, 15 years on the dot. Anyway, I lost him in a forest.

Darryl: Don’t, don’t bother Luke. Got it.

Oscar: Michael, that’s nepotism. Luke is getting special treatment because he’s your nephew.
Michael: Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.

Michael: Do you think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn’t even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.
Jim: Oh man, so many points being made.

Creed: I couldn’t care less about nepotism. But, I’m loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I’ve got a front row seat.

Michael: God, when he needed help on Earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.

Michael: Why does God get to do something that I don’t?

Kelly: I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue.

Oscar: My favorite part of an ice cream party. The bagel chips!

Andy: Clutch cream run, bro.

Pam: I feel horrible for blowing Jim’s prank. I don’t know if you can tell, but he’s mildly upset. And Dwight hasn’t been messed with in awhile, so he’s become a monster. I need to make this right.

Angela: I came down here to feed the feral cats like I usually do and I found something unsavory in the back of your nephew’s car.

Michael: All right, those might be his. He might own an Ebay store.

Michael: This is like The Blair Witch Hunt Project.

Erin: Oh my gosh, those are the pants you wanted to return to Talbots.

Jo: Lower yourself, Gabe. I don’t want to be having a conversation with your crotch.

Jo: I got a nephew too. But he don’t work for me. You know why? Cause he’s a screw-up. He can swim in my pool, but he can’t come in my house.
Michael: This office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.
Jo: If you keep him, Michael, I’m going to hold you accountable for him. You’re on the hook for this kid, you got that? Cover his ass like tighty whities.
Michael: I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump.
Jo: Was how I put it not clear enough? I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying? Deal with it, boys.

Michael: Luke and I have been working side-by-side as master and commander. Me as master, he as commander. Occasionally, he’ll need a little push, and I will do that, and he’ll slow down, and then I’ll push him again. That’s the thing with kids, you have to keep pushing. You have to push them until they push you back. And then you push some more. It’s all about give and take, but mostly it’s about pushing each other.

Kevin: Let me take a look at the circus board.

Pam: Dwight is about to get so Pammed!

Dwight: Hey! The elevator is disobeying us!

Dwight: Use your talons! Pry them open!

Dwight: I got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! And we have to establish a pee corner!

Stanley: Texas justice.

Creed: He’s been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah it’s funny stuff, but mean.

Creed: Everywhere I look it’s Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid who’s not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.

[from tanster: here is luke’s twitter page, confirmed by NBC.]

Pam: They don’t call me the Bart Simpson of Scranton for nothing.

Pam: Scared of getting cut in half. Also, there’s pee on the floor.

Michael: Would have been nice to work with my family. It would have been nice if Luke had been able to stay here, but he couldn’t. These things seldom work out. I don’t know how Ringling Brothers do it. Night after night, town after town, all across America. You would think they’d be sick of each other by now. But clearly, they make it work. And my hat’s off to them.

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