Writer: Steve Carell, Director: Paul Feig
Summary (NBC): After Ryan excludes Michael from a corporate wilderness retreat, Michael heads into the woods for his own survival adventure with nothing but the suit on his back. Back at work, Jim tries to revolutionize the office birthday party.
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The Office Survivor Man quotes
Pam: Michael wasn’t invited. Apparently they already knew everything they needed to know about him.
Phyllis: Bob and I took rock climbing lessons once.
Phyllis: Michael wasn’t invited on Ryan’s camping trip. Toby went, but Michael didn’t go. He wasn’t invited.
Toby: “No more smores, no more smores.”
Jim: When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes. And I am always busy.
Michael: How often can you actually donate blood?
Jim: Is there a limit?
Michael: Hello, I’m Broken Mountain.
Michael: Okay, I will only need two things. Duct tape and a knife.
Dwight: It’s better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose.
Pam: Do you want me to ask where you’re going?
Michael: When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being.
Jim: That’d be great.
Dwight: Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let’s put it this way: no, I do not.
Dwight: I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified. And they would call me the Overkill Killer.
Michael: You are as creepy as a real serial killer.
Dwight: It would be better if you were unconscious.
Michael: Please allow me to have one cathartic experience in my life?
Michael: Blacks do crack! Not crack the drug.
Jim: He only sings the high harmony to “Happy Birthday.”
Pam: Wow! You’re shaking things up a bit, huh?
Dwight: Can you smell the trees and the nature?
Michael: Leave me be, Dwight.
Creed: I want pie. I want peach pie.
Creed: You tell her it’s for Creed. She’ll know what that means.
Michael: The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about (looks at watch) 2 o’clock in the afternoon.
Michael: Watch that I don’t hit my corroded artery here …
Dwight: I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.
Andy: Me likey the ice cream cake, okay? Fudgey the Whale.
Andy: Pizza rolls. Mushroom caps.
Michael: Jan has plastic boobs!
Michael: I HAVE HEM-OR-ROIDS!
Michael: I have fashioned my hat back into my pants.
Michael: Happy birthday, buddy.
Kevin: Most days I just sit and wait for the break.
Stanley: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.
Creed: Nothing! Nothing going on. We’re talking about nothing. C’mon gang.
Michael: Well if you take a look at this, I tented my pants. I’ve made myself a nice pants tent shelter.
Dwight: Nothing to worry about. Just using the scope. Safety is … on.
Toby: Michael scheduled it for 4:58 on a Friday. People sang in the parking lot.
Angela: I am not a machine, Jim.
Phyllis: Hey, Michael. I mean Jim.
Michael: Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn’t want to have to struggle to survive. I don’t need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don’t need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around, AC. And I don’t need wide open spaces. Check it out. I can also make it the sky.
Michael: Ten years, you’ll figure it out.
Jim: Well, I don’t think I’ll be here in ten years.
Michael: That’s what I said. That’s what she said.
Jim: That’s what who said.
Michael: I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.
Jim: That’s what she said.
Michael: Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.
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