Writer: Steve Carell, Director: Paul Feig
Summary (NBC): After Ryan excludes Michael from a corporate wilderness retreat, Michael heads into the woods for his own survival adventure. Back at work, Jim tries to revolutionize the office birthday party.
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The Office Survivor Man quotes
Pam: Michael wasn’t invited. Apparently they already knew everything they needed to know about him.
Phyllis: Bob and I took rock climbing lessons once.
Phyllis: Michael wasn’t invited on Ryan’s camping trip. Toby went, but Michael didn’t go. He wasn’t invited.
Toby: “No more smores, no more smores.”
Jim: When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes. And I am always busy.
Michael: How often can you actually donate blood?
Jim: Is there a limit?
Michael: Hello, I’m Broken Mountain.
Michael: Okay, I will only need two things. Duct tape and a knife.
Dwight: It’s better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose.
Pam: Do you want me to ask where you’re going?
Michael: When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being.
Jim: That’d be great.
Dwight: Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let’s put it this way: no, I do not.
Dwight: I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified. And they would call me the Overkill Killer.
Michael: You are as creepy as a real serial killer.
Dwight: It would be better if you were unconscious.
Michael: Please allow me to have one cathartic experience in my life?
Michael: Blacks do crack! Not crack the drug.
Jim: He only sings the high harmony to “Happy Birthday.”
Pam: Wow! You’re shaking things up a bit, huh?
Dwight: Can you smell the trees and the nature?
Michael: Leave me be, Dwight.
Creed: I want pie. I want peach pie.
Creed: You tell her it’s for Creed. She’ll know what that means.
Michael: The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about (looks at watch) 2 o’clock in the afternoon.
Michael: Watch that I don’t hit my corroded artery here …
Dwight: I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.
Andy: Me likey the ice cream cake, okay? Fudgey the Whale.
Andy: Pizza rolls. Mushroom caps.
Michael: Jan has plastic boobs!
Michael: I HAVE HEM-OR-ROIDS!
Michael: I have fashioned my hat back into my pants.
Michael: Happy birthday, buddy.
Kevin: Most days I just sit and wait for the break.
Stanley: I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.
Creed: Nothing! Nothing going on. We’re talking about nothing. C’mon gang.
Michael: Well if you take a look at this, I tented my pants. I’ve made myself a nice pants tent shelter.
Dwight: Nothing to worry about. Just using the scope. Safety is … on.
Toby: Michael scheduled it for 4:58 on a Friday. People sang in the parking lot.
Angela: I am not a machine, Jim.
Phyllis: Hey, Michael. I mean Jim.
Michael: Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn’t want to have to struggle to survive. I don’t need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don’t need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around, AC. And I don’t need wide open spaces. Check it out. I can also make it the sky.
Michael: Ten years, you’ll figure it out.
Jim: Well, I don’t think I’ll be here in ten years.
Michael: That’s what I said. That’s what she said.
Jim: That’s what who said.
Michael: I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.
Jim: That’s what she said.
Michael: Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.
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