Writer: Lester Lewis, Director: Julian Farino
Summary (NBC): Michael finds himself between a rock and a hard place when Jan sues Dunder Mifflin and Michael is deposed as a witness. Kelly trash talks Pam after Darryl beats Jim at ping pong.
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The Office The Deposition quotes
Ryan: Take the call, friend.
Michael: Hiya, buddy.
Michael: My friend Pat took a turn. That’s how I remember that.
Jan: Remember, it’s not just a pattern. It’s a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behaviors.
Michael: My friend Disree got new specs.
Michael: My friend Inapro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor.
Michael: That is a lot of guacamole.
Jan: We went over it carefully … and just so that we wouldn’t leave anything up to chance or Michael’s judgement.
Darryl: Game, son!
Pam: Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is twelve.
Kelly: What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?
Kelly: I don’t talk trash. I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, “Your momma is so fat, she could eat the Internet.” But smack talk is, happening like, right now. Like, “you’re ugly and I know it for a fact, ’cause I got the evidence. Right there.”
Kelly: Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.
Kelly: Were Jim’s parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?
Jim: Bring me players.
Michael: Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?
Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at.
Michael: I have seen The Firm, and I’m planning on renting The Pelican Brief.
Lawyer: And you were directly under her the entire time?
Michael: That’s what she said.
Michael: Come again? That’s what she said.
Michael: Delivery’s all wrong. She’s butchering it.
Michael: To be delicate, they hang off milady’s chest. They … make milk.
Michael: And frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.
Michael: Well, it depends on how you define “begin.”
Michael: I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.
Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hee hee.”
Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “More tomorrow. XOXO, Michael.”
Toby: Um … could you make it 11?
Michael: I don’t like the lump.
Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.”
Michael: Her actions are completely rightful.
Michael (reading Jan’s statement): “I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks.”
Dwight: He has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.
Dwight: He works here, dumb ass.
Lawyer (reading David Wallace’s statement): “What do you want me to say? C’mon, he’s a nice guy.”
Kelly: The floppy-haired girl you date won a point.
Michael: I think you’re a nice guy, too.
Michael: You expect to get screwed by your company. But you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.
Icon courtesy of pessimistreader.