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Writer: Paul Lieberstein, Director: Greg Daniels
Summary: Michael demonstrates some actual sales skill while wining and dining a client, to Jan’s chagrin, while Jim and Pam lead the office in an impromptu reading of a movie script that Pam discovers in Michael’s desk. Guest star: Tim Meadows.
The Office The Client extras
The Office The Client quotes
Ryan: Who dry cleans jeans?
Pam: Michael and his jeans. He gets in them and, I’m not exactly sure what happens. But, I can tell you, he loves the way he looks in those jeans. I know that’s why he started casual Fridays.
Michael: Wow, graphs and charts. Somebody’s really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today.
Jim: So, this possible client they’re talking about, actually a big deal. It’s Lackawanna County. Our whole county. And if we get this, they might not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years. And years. And…years.
Michael: Here’s the thing, Chili’s is the new golf course. It’s where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine.
Jan: It said that?
Michael: It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.
Jim: I always knew Pam has refused to go to sports games with Roy. But, I never knew why. Interesting.
Michael: Hey everybody, listen up. This is what we’re gonna do. You sit tight until I return. Sound good? Doesn’t matter, it’s an order. Follow it blindly!
Michael: Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train, and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.
Jan: What kind of trouble are you planning on getting in, Michael?
Michael: Megan, may we have an Awesome Blossom, please, extra awesome?
Michael: First guy says, “Well, I’m an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn.” And the second guy says, “Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort.” And the third guy says, “I got you both beat, I’m a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe.”
Christian: Oh, no! Oh my god, that’s funny! I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose!
Jan: Excuse me, could I have a vodka tonic please?
Michael: That’s why I wanted a signal between us, so I wouldn’t have to just shout nonsense words. That’s her fault.
Michael: Did somebody say babyback ribs?
Dwight: Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey, the mailman. They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that. I was good.
Jim: Do we all have our copy of “Threat Level: Midnight,” by Michael Scott?
Phyllis (as Catherine Zeta-Jones): The first message is, I love you. That’s from me.
Dwight (as Agent Michael Scarn): Not in a thousand years, Catherine. We work together. And get off my desk.
Ryan (as Samuel L. Chang): Agent Michael Scarn, you lost some weight.
Dwight (as Agent Michael Scarn): Thank you for noticing.
Ryan (as Samuel L. Chang): Ha ha ha, Agent Michael Scarn. You so funny. Word.
Kevin: Michael’s movie? Two thumbs … down.
Oscar: Mr. Scarn, perhaps you would be more comfortable in my private jet.
Pam: Here’s what we think happened. Michael’s sidekick, who all through the movie is this complete idiot who’s causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight, but then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang, using a search and replace, but that doesn’t work on misspelled words, leaving behind one Dwigt. And Dwight figured it out. Oops.
Christian: You said, “World, this is my blood, it’s red, just like yours. So love me.”
Jim: I had plans to meet a friend tonight. Which I had to cancel. But this is cool, too. I’m not a complainer.
Pam: I can’t remember the last time someone made me dinner.
Jim: So … I guess I’ll see you in (looking at watch) ten hours.
Pam: What are you going to do with your time off?
Jim: Could it be that Agent Michael Scarn has finally found his Catherine Zeta?
Michael: I don’t understand. You want to see other people. Only other people.
Jim: Some might even say we had our first date last night.
Pam: Oh really?
Pam: Why might some say that?
Jim: Cause there was dinner, by candlelight.
Pam: Mmm hmm.
Jim: Dinner and a show, if you include Michael’s movie. And … there was dancing and fireworks. Pretty good date.
Pam: We didn’t dance.
Jim: You’re right, we didn’t dance. It was more like … swaying. But still romantic.
Pam: Swaying isn’t dancing.
Jim: At least I didn’t leave you at a high school hockey game.
Jim: Okay, we didn’t dance. And I was totally joking, anyway. I mean, it’s not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiancé. Right?