The Office: The Return, 3.14
Thursday, January 18th, 2007 | 533 comments
W: Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg, and Michael Schur,
D: Greg Daniels
Summary (NBC): Oscar returns from his long vacation with mixed emotions on whether or not he still wants to be a part of the office. Meanwhile, Andy takes advantage of recent events to get closer to Michael. Jim turns to Karen and Pam for help to stage a prank on a new target.
Icon courtesy of pessimistreader.
Tidbits
- Blogs: John the prop guy
- Reviews: TV Guide | Entertainment Weekly | Wendy | Northern Attack
- Music in this episode
- Buy The Return (Producer’s Cut!) at the iTunes Store
- The Staples memo that was distributed the next day!
Tipster: Angie
The Office The Return quotes
Dwight: For your convenience, I’ve broken it down into three parts — professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and … Dwight Schrute trivia.
Dwight: I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.
Dwight: How would I describe myself? Three words — hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer. Merciless. Insatiable.
Dwight: There’s nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.
Andy (looking at Ryan): Big Turkey.
Andy: So here’s to the future. Andy and The Tuna.
Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.
Andy: Addition by subtraction.
Michael: What does that even mean. That is impossible.
Michael: Addition by addition.
Kevin: Oh, hello Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
Oscar: That’s very funny.
Kevin: Yeah, I thought of that like two seconds after you left.
Andy: Gonna go home, get my beer on, get my Lost on.
Andy: Well, then I’ll take that as a “maybe.”
Andy: Things are going pretty good. Getting a lot of face time with the boss.
Angela: Certain events have transpired, and I’ve thought about certain things, and I’m sorry for the way those certain events transpired, and I would just like to make some changes about certain things, and certain situations, and certain accountants …
Kevin: Can I join, too?
Angela: Never.
Pam: Oh that wasn’t the night crew. That was Dwight.
Andy: Feel ya, dawg.
Michael: Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow, seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person a little. Not super crazy, just … there’s something about him that creeps me out. I can’t really explain it. He’s always up in my bidness. Which is Ebonics for “being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.” I don’t understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.
Michael: Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you. To me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar’s Mexicanity.
Michael: So Phyllis, I want you to go find firecrackers and a chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.
Oscar: Why don’t you have me riding in on a donkey, into the office, like Pepe?
Michael: Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let’s get him one.
Dwight: I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all.
Andy: I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now.
Jim: Encourage him? I’m the victim, okay? He’s fishing for me.
Karen: … each file is password-protected with a different mythical creature …
Jim: Party pooper.
Michael: Who’s that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv something. Great sportscaster, big weirdo creep.
Jim: Hey, Ryan. Do you want to pull a prank on Andy?
Ryan: Not right now. But ask me again ten years ago.
Jim: I liked you better as the temp.
Ryan: Me too.
Michael: Have any of you talked to Dwight?
Stanley: Oh sure, we talk all the time.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: No.
Michael: Don’t do that. It’s not nice.
Phyllis: Dwight had a big personality and I have a big personality, and a lot of times, when two people like that get together, it can be explosive.
Dwight: Have you heard of paper?
Staples Girl: It’s gonna be like that, huh?
Dwight: I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination.
Staples Girl: I don’t like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That’s all I got to say on the matter.
Jim: Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?
Pam: I’m kind of in the middle of … yes, please.
Andy: Large Tuna, have you seen my cell phone device?
Andy: Where is my freaking phone?
Jim: You know what? Maybe it’s in the ceiling.
Andy: You know what? Maybe you’re in the ceiling!
Andy: I don’t trust you, Phyllis.
Andy: I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday: you, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football, Cornell/Hofstra, slaughter. Then quick nap at my place, and we hit the tiz-own.
Michael: No. I don’t want to do any of that.
Andy: Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.
Andy: That was an overreaction.
Dwight: That question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It’s your funeral. See how that works out for you.
Michael: It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man.
Michael: So maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please.
Dwight: I don’t want to do your laundry anymore.
Michael: We can talk about that.
Jim: Omigod. That’s half-inch drywall.
Pam: I think we broke his brain.
Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present, Mr. Dwight Schrute!
Angela: Welcome back.
Michael: Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You’re going to break it.
Karen: Do you still have feelings for her?
Michael: I don’t want somebody sucking up to me because they think I’m going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.
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Other favorite moments,
Creed saying “we had a funeral for a bird”!!
Dwight being too good for Staples.
Dwight organizing Michael’s toys and watering the plants.
Michael’s reactions to Andy’s craziness.
In the end, Steve Carell and Rainn should have gotten an emmy for this.
One of the best Office episodes ever, definitely the best one of the season. The ending with Michael and Dwight is so well acted. Love my Office men.
This is the best Office episode ever made.
haha good episode, Andy punching wall, and getting ticked off cause of phone, Dwight and oscar coming back, andy fishing for jim lol
I’m glad they got rid of Andy. His character was too over-the-top. All the characters on The Office are believable, although wacky, but Andy was just out of hand. No one is that annoying. He just didnt fit in along with the other characters. So, i think it was a good descision.
Z: — In the producer’s cut online, it showed him going to “management training” as he put it. The he adds, “anger management, technically.” It’s supposed to be 10 weeks long. But he explains to the camera that he expects to be able to finish it in five. He WILL be back because news came out after that episode that he got a regular contract with the show; he’s no longer a “guest.”
Hey, where has Andy been since this episode???? Seriously, he disappeared. Did he get fired or quite after the whole wall-punching thing? It’s driving me Bannanas!!!
Hi, I was wondering if anyone knew where to get an audio file of Andy’s version of “Rockin Robin” If you could email me, or just post it here I’d be very happy if you kept an eye out for me. thanks :D
this show is amazing….i wish i could go to the set one day….
“thats what5 she said”,
read the spoilers if you would like to know more about Rashida being in future episodes
I have watched this episode about 3 timesand it still has that “ness” about it. When Jim is talking to Karen and you can see ANdy fishing for him in the back round and Jim just looks normal but kind of ticked at the same time i just love that. And when Jim is sitting in his chair and Andy makeing it look like he cought him. Classic. And of course…. Ryan saying he liked himself more when he was the temp. SO TRUE!!! I dislike Ryan morethen any other caricter on the show. AND HE STARTED THE FIRE
There’s a deleted scene up at NBC.com
Eisenberg, Stupnitsky and Schur all the way!!
How hard do these people rock?
I thought I was obsessed with “The Office” before. I was SO wrong!
[tanster: removed because of spoilers. please post spoilers in the spoiler post. thanks!]
The part I love more than anything is at the very end where Michael says “I don’t want somebody sucking up to me because they think I’m going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.” Right after that, you han hear him breath a little sigh, and something about that is so freaking hilarious. . .
Ok so it is offical there is someone more nuttier than “Dwigt”. Andy Takes the cake. Between the Ringer on his phone to his ability to make ass kissing an art, Andy I ruler of the land of annoyance.
Officetallyfan,
Thanks for verifying that (not that I doubt my wife’s uncanny ability to recognize actors and actresses).
[tanster: removed because of spoilers. please post spoilers in the spoiler post. thanks!]
So just something i noticed, i dont see Rashida Jones’ name staring in Phylis’ Wedding episode, does this mean that we may be seeing the end of Jim and Karen?
[tanster: removed because of spoilers. please post spoilers in the spoiler post. thanks!]