The Office: Ultimatum, 7.13

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The Office: Ultimatum

Writer: Carrie Kemper, Director: David Rogers

Summary (NBC): Michael prepares himself for the good or bad news about Holly and her boyfriend. Pam decides to put up a resolution board for everyone to post their New Year’s resolutions. Meanwhile, Michael calls for a counseling session with Holly. Guest star: Amy Ryan.

The Office Ultimatum extras

The Office Ultimatum rating

In a poll conducted January 20-24, 2011, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.82/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Ultimatum quotes

Quotes manually transcribed by tanster :)

Dwight: Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers. One of our many recent good deeds? We set out to capture the Scranton Strangler. Mission accomplished. Not by us.

Michael: January 3, 2011. A day which will live infamously. Holly Partridge Flax, otherwise known as Holly, otherwise otherwise known as a living, breathing angel, is engaged to another man.

Michael: Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life.

Michael: If she’s engaged, I’m going to go crazy, and I’m going to start attacking people. If she’s not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness. Either way, I am going to need some talking down. And nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down.

Michael: I was just thinking about snot.

Pam: Da da da da da! A resolution board.

Dwight: Wow, did your baby draw that?

Angela: The glitter is blinding.

Phyllis: I know Sue. She’s not that great. And you know her husband’s in a wheelchair, right?

Erin: Sponge.
Michael: Sad. To soak up my tears.

Erin: Gummi bears and gummi worms.
Michael: Bears sad, worms happy. C’mon, Erin!

Michael: Two front row center to Paula Poundstone, live in Poughkeepsie.

Erin: I’m really excited for Michael either way. Because if Holly chooses to be with him, he will be so, so happy. And if not, he’ll be avoiding the biggest mistake of his life!

Dwight: You want me to crank the thermostat to 90? Smoke her out?

Kevin: Hey, right back at you, bitch!

Michael: Michael dance-off!

Dwight: I’ve achieved plenty, and there’s no better than the best.

Pam: Well maybe you’ll meet someone.
Andy: No, some people just don’t meet someone.

Andy: This is not a pity party. It’s not a party at all. It’s just sad.

Dwight: My resolution is: meet a loose woman.

Darryl: Hey, what book is that? Cool, let’s hang out tonight. Sex already? Whoa.

Darryl: My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl.

Michael: Reese’s Pieces.
Holly: Reese’s Pieces?
Kelly: Oh god, please stop!

Michael: Do you think she’s already dating a different A.J.?

Darryl: So light, like a croissant.

Darryl: That’s porn. Pornography. Old lady, nasty porn.

Phyllis: You didn’t break up with A.J. at all? Not even for a week to make him buy you a present?

Dwight: I’m tired of being Mr. Perfect Role Model all the time.

Darryl: The day shift at a strip club? You can’t unsee that.

Darryl: We’re going skating.

Erin: My goal was to learn a new word every single day. And I must say, that it is going immensely.

Creed: I want to do a cartwheel. But real casual-like and not enough to make a big deal out of it. But I know everybody saw it. Just one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.

Michael: I made a resolution to floss, and I did it! 12:01, January 1st, bam! Blood everywhere.

Kevin: Not all of us are Michael Freaking Scott.

Michael: You’re just going to somersault around for the rest of your life?

Michael: You know what’s going to be on your tombstone? “Loser.”
Creed: My tombstone’s already made, thank you.

Kelly: Why are you eating stem first?
Kevin: This is a new food for me, how else should I eat it?
Oscar: The other way.

Kevin: Can I get some Cheez Whiz? Or hollandaise?

Kevin: Okay, I ate the fluffy part. Can I be done?

Kevin: It was traumatizing, Michael. I wouldn’t be surprised if I never ate a vegetable again.

Michael: You loom so large in my heart, that I crossed the line.

Creed: I don’t think I’m there yet boss.

Andy: Dave Matthews Band. No hits. Deep tracks only.

Kevin: Hey Ryan, how’s your fart project coming?

Ryan: Hey was it me or you that just shoved the butt end of a pound of broccoli into my mouth because Michael told me to?

Kelly: My New Year’s resolution was to get more attention.

Darryl: Did you meet someone?
Andy: Yeah, I did actually. His name is Andy. And he rollerskates like a Greek god. And you know what? I kinda like hanging out with him.
Darryl: Right on, son.

Michael: I never want to make Holly cry again. Unless it’s from laughing too hard or making love too beautifully.

Holly: We’re going to be just fine. You know how you say something over and over and the words start to sound weird? Going to be just fine, just fine, just fine, just fine…

The Office New Year’s resolutions

  • Pam: drink less caffeine
  • Andy: learn to cook for one
  • Jim: bike more
  • Angela: make time for romance! (with the senator)
  • Dwight: meet a loose woman
  • Darryl: read more
  • Kelly: get more attention by any means necessary
  • Ryan: live life like it’s an art project
  • Creed: do a cartwheel
  • Meredith: two cigarettes a day
  • Erin: learn a new word every day
  • Kevin: eat more vegetables
  • Michael: floss
  • Holly: cross train
  • Phyllis: yoga lessons with Bob
  • Oscar: finish the living room

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