The Office: Safety Training, 3.20
Thursday, April 12th, 2007 | 261 comments
W: B.J. Novak, D: Harold Ramis
Summary (NBC): Andy returns to the office after several weeks of anger management training, determined to make a fresh start with all the Dunder-Mifflin employees. Meanwhile, it’s safety training day in the office, and Michael and Dwight are on a mission to illuminate the true dangers of the workplace.
Icon courtesy of pessimistreader.
Tidbits
- Reviews: TV Guide | Entertainment Weekly
- Preview clips
- Promo clips
- Photos | Behind the scenes
- Buy Safety Training at the iTunes Store
Favorite quotes
Andy: Apology not accepted. Because it wasn’t even necessary in the first place.
Andy: Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. But after five weeks in anger management, I’m back. And I’ve got a new attitude, and a new name. And … a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies.
Andy: You can call me Drew.
Jim: No, I’m not gonna call you that.
Andy: Cool. I can’t control what you do, I can only control what I do.
Jim: Andy.
Andy: Drew.
Dwight: Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I’m looking forward to. It’s an Amish technique. It’s like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?
Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug.
Dwight: Okay, tell him that that’s not true.
Jim: Dwight says that he actually doesn’t know one single fact about bear attacks.
Dwight: Okay, no, Jim, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!
Jim: Andy … nah, that’s too far.
Dwight: Damn you.
Michael: We are going to listen in on Darryl’s presentation to the warehouse. And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity.
Darryl: Quiz. Mike. Should you drive the forklift?
Michael: I can and I have.
Darryl: No no no no no no. I said should you? You should not drive it. You should not drive the forklift. You understand?
Lonny: You’re not allowed to drive the forklift.
Darryl: It’s not safe. You don’t have a license.
Michael: Guys, I’m not the only one who’s driven the forklift. Pudge has driven the forklift.
Madge: Madge.
Michael: I thought your name was Pudge.
Madge: No, it’s always been Madge.
Michael: Okay. Um, her.
Darryl: Her. Yes, her is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not. Okay?
Michael: Fine.
Darryl: Do you understand that?
Michael: Yesh.
Darryl: We do safety training every year. Or after an accident. We’ve never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled …
Michael: “Hey Darryl, how’s it hangin’?”
Darryl: I’m legitimately scared for my workers.
Darryl: How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a baler?
Michael: Bal ‘er? I hardly know her.
Kevin: Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored.
Lonny: What the hell is wrong with this man?
Michael: It’s a big red trash compactor.
Darryl: There is no occasion for you to go near this stuff, okay?
Michael: That’s like a half an hour every hour.
Darryl: Take them at the same time.
Michael: Like sometimes computers can explode. Can they not?
Toby: You always want to keep a sweater or cardigan of some sort in case it gets drafty.
Ryan: What about a long-sleeved tee?
Toby: Well, that’ll work.
Kevin: Long johns? A shawl?
Michael: I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom.
Darryl: Thank god we only had the baler to deal with.
Lonny: Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain’t it?
Michael: “A particular concern for office workers is a sedimentary lifestyle, which can contribute … ”
Toby: Sedentary.
Michael: Heart disease kills more people than balers.
Lonny: That’s called having a fat butt, Michael.
Michael: No, no, it’s …
Lonny: Yeah, yeah. That’s fat butt disease. That’s what you suffering from? Fat butt disease, Michael?
Kelly: Excuse me, Sea Monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds.
Lonny: Yeah?
Kelly: Yeah.
Lonny: I bet you’d like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn’t you?
Kelly: Ryan!
Lonny: Dude, please tell your girl to shut up.
Kelly: What?
Ryan: Kelly, you insulted the gentleman. Please, apologize.
Kelly: Are you kidding me?
Darryl: This is shenanigans, foolishness. Nerf ball. You live a sweet little Nerfy life. Sittin’ on your biscuit. Never havin’ to risk it.
Michael: What, Nerf isn’t cool anymore?
Michael: I worked in a warehouse. Men’s Wearhouse. I was a greeter. I’d like to see Darryl greet people. Probably make ‘em feel like wimps.
Pam: I don’t know how the whole betting thing started, but it’s fun.
Kevin: That is not fair. He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours.
Jim: Okay … okay.
Kevin: No constantly, like, for years.
Jim: Okay.
Michael: Pam, depression is as scary as a baler, right?
Pam: I don’t understand the question.
Michael: Nobody commits suicide because they work with a baler.
Michael: You don’t go to the science museum and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball. Your hair sticks up straight. And you know science.
Pam: So you’re okay?
Michael: Indubitably.
Michael: You know what our killer is? Depression.
Dwight: Wolves.
Michael: Depression.
Dwight: Visual aids.
Michael: Yes.
Dwight: A quilt — depression quilt?
Michael: No time to sew a quilt.
Michael: You may be asking yourself, “What am I doing on a trampoline?”
Michael: Nice side note, they might think, hey, I should have been nicer to Michael. But that’s not why I’m doing this.
Michael: Tah freakin’ dah!
Kelly: So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four. Number six becomes number five. Number three becomes number two. Etcetera, etcetera. And let’s just say that I just sent back Love Actually, which was awesome. And they sent me Uptown Girls, which is also awesome. But guess what? Now I want to see Love Actually again. But it’s at the bottom of the queue! Oh no, what’ll I do? What I do is this. I go online, I go “click, click, click,” and I change the order of the queue so that I can see Love Actually as soon as I want to. It’s so easy, Ryan. Do you really not know how Netflix works?
Ryan: I guess I forgot.
Kelly: You’re such a ditz.
Kevin: Ryan, well done, two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said “awesome” twelve times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.
Michael: Maybe we should test this first. Letterman-style.
Michael: Go buy some watermelons.
Dwight: Seedless?
Toby: Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato.
Karen: I don’t know this place as well as I thought I did. I’m getting cleaned out.
Michael: Deactivate the car alarm. Clean up the mess.
Dwight: Okay.
Michael: Find out whose car that is. If it’s Stanley’s, call the offices of James P. Albini. See if he handles hate crimes.
Dwight: Got it.
Michael: Also, take apart the trampoline. Stick it in the baler.
Dwight: We’re not allowed to use the baler.
Michael: Have Patch do it, or the sea monster.
Dwight: I’m on it!
Dwight: I’m temporarily lifting the shun.
Andy: Thank you.
Dwight: Means nothing. I need you to do something for me.
Andy: Anything.
Dwight: Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house and/or castle.
Andy: You mean a moon bounce.
Dwight: What do you think? You’ve got an hour.
Andy: I’m gonna need petty cash.
Dwight: Shunning resumed.
Andy: Do you, do you want a drawbridge?
Dwight: Un-shun. Yeah, that sounds good. Re-shun.
Dwight: When you land, try and land like an eight-year old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults.
Michael: This is about doing, not thinking.
Dwight: Michael is awesome, jumpin’ off the roof, bouncin’ on a bouncy bounce, show ‘em who’s boss! Rip a hole in the sun!
Dwight: Hey guys, listen up. Michael is up on the roof and acting strange.
Andy: Whoa, what’s the situation?
Dwight: Un-shun. I think he’s suffering from depression. Re-shun.
Andy: Okay, when’s this shunning thing going to end?
Dwight: Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die.
Stanley: Is it nice outside?
Dwight: It’s gorgeous. Let’s go!
Stanley: Do I need my jacket?
Dwight: No, really, it’s very nice. C’mon!
Ryan: Will I be too warm in a long sleeve tee?
Dwight: Everyone’s going to be fine in exactly what they’re wearing. Let’s go!
Michael: The stress of my modern office has caused me to go into a depression.
Dwight: Depression? Isn’t that just a fancy word for feeling “bummed out”?
Michael: Dwight, you ignorant slut.
Michael: My head is in such pain and turmoil!
Dwight: Attention blue collar workers!
Kevin: If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude.
Jim: Well, you know, the first performance was a little off. But I really think they hit their stride in the second show. Um, might even bring my parents tomorrow to the matinee. Oh excuse me. It’s my favorite part.
Dwight: They found the castle, Michael.
Michael: Damn it.
Jim: He’s going to kill himself pretending to kill himself.
Jim: Hey, Michael, don’t jump on the bouncy castle.
Dwight: It’s a Repliee Q1 Expo female robot. They’re only available in Japan.
Darryl: What about Jan? Lovely, lovely, lovely, Jan, man. It’s goin’ good, right?
Michael: It’s complicated with Jan. And I don’t know where I stand or what I want. The sex isn’t nearly as good as it used to be.
Darryl: Mike, you’re a very brave man. I mean, it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day knowing full well you gotta be you.
Michael: You really mean that?
Darryl: I couldn’t do it. I ain’t that strong and I ain’t that brave.
Michael: I’m braver than you?
Darryl: Way braver! You Braveheart, man.
Michael: I Braveheart. I am.
Darryl: Come on down, okay?
Michael: Okay. Pam, I’m coming down to get my present.
Michael: I saved a life — my own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say. But, yes.
Rating
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when did dwight and angela break up and why?? Sorry, I am new to the show and I am looking but can’t find it on the internet!
Nice episode… Can’t wait for the next one.
i loved this episode! one of my fav’s of the season
I think the important thing to consider in this episode is the tone. Negottations left an odd, un-office like taste in my mouth, not that it wasn’t an excellent episode, but hearing Pam describe Roy’s and Jim’s altercation was kind of overwhelmingly serious, more serious than death had been in grief conseling or any other 1/2 an episode i can think of.
Safety training showed to me that the show and life had returned to a sense of normalcy, which of course means maddness if you factor in jim and dwight. it felt ridiculous and fun even when discussing suicide, and i think daryl v mike interactions are amazing. Big fan of BJ’s episodes too on a whole.
One more thing that bothered me was the supersized negotiations seemed off a little to me. I didn’t need angela asking everybody what they thought of the fight, although creed’s description was hilarious. Also, it seemed unbelievable that dwight had all those weapons, when in previous episodes he talked about bringing his potato spud gun as if it were his only weapon. (can you imagine if i was deranged.)
safety training was neccesary and consistently hilarious. give me dwight rocking out on the moon and shunning dwight over pam moping any day. and more ryan
This episode was amazing. Enough said =D
The Darrell character has really impressed me the last few eps. His relationship with Mike delivers some great laughs. More Darrell!!
I must be one of the rare people that thought this was one of the more weaker episodes, but I guess it’s hard to follow up The Negotiations, which I thought was HILARIOUS
THANK YOU, Amy! So did I. I thought this might have been the funniest, and simplest yet most brilliant episode of the season. I watched it twice in a row and loved it both times!
I definitely thought this was the funniest episode for months. I love all of the romance, of course, but it was nice to take a break from that for a week. So many things were going on, with the betting, and the shunning, and Michael’s plan… I thought it was HILARIOUS!
uhshun-reshun-
They had a bet going that Creed wouldn’t notice if they swapped his apple out with a potato. And he did not. Because he is a gross (but funny) old man.
I didn’t like this episode at first but after watching it on my ipod a few more times it kind of grew on me. And can someone please explain the Creed/Apple/Potato thing to me?
I dont know what to think about this episode. It was just a little bit everywhere. Personally, not a huge fan of BJ writing any episode. Dont hate me for that, its just how i feel.
I was thinking this morning, and something occurred to me. Why does there HAVE to be plot development?? It’s just a day… safety training day to be exact.
Could you imagine if every day of your life you had plot development? I know I don’t want that. I need days where nothing all that exciting happens. And if there is something dramatic going on in my life (like a Jim/Pam thing), it wouldn’t be drama-filled until it was resolved. Sometimes you pretend like the situation isn’t there and act normal just to get through the day.
Why were Jim/Pam acting somewhat normal? Because it’s easier to do that, sometimes, than talk about it five nights in a row. :-) It’s supposed to be a documentary, and just like in real life, sometimes you just have days and weeks where nothing substantial happens.
Although I think a fake near suicide is something substantial. Can I get an amen?
Haha! I loved that episode! Especially when Michael says ” Dwight, you ignorant slut. “
wow i don’t even care.
i just hella like your icon.
I dont think that it felt like the whole dialogue with Ryan because we usually hear so little from him. He just seems like the person who wants to keep to himself because he’s too afraid to open up. He prefers to stick to business and maybe he’s even a little shy and that’s what comes off as arrogant and pretentious. Maybe the comments Michael made during the business school episode made him want to open up and become a little more part of the office.
I think Ryan and Kelly have their good moments – I read an interview with BJ where he said Ryan just liked being loved, or something. But he was still a little cynical – using your girlfriend to win a few bucks. I did love the betting stuff, and Michael on the roof = moderately funny. My question: why “sea monster”? I mean, I know the dude’s big, but….like a….whale? Didn’t get it. That whole scene made me uncomfortable. I know Kelly’s annoying, but telling a girl she wants to sleep with you and then telling her boyfriend to shut her up…not funny on its own, and they didn’t do anything to make it laughable. To me.
This wasn’t my favorite episode. It felt disjointed, there wasn’t really any character development, and Michael and Daryl both seemed particularly unlikable. But it was still pretty funny. BJ’s long-sleeved tee comments had me cracking up…
Seriously, I love Kryan (and for that matter I love BJ and Mindy as well), but did anyone feel like Ryan/BJ stopped acting and was just a happy boyfriend? It didn’t seem to fit Ryan, who always seems a little cynical and just a tad cold at times. (Remember, he kept trying to break up with Kelly? He stole Jim’s desk and his rude comment to Jim when Jim wanted his help with a prank on Dwight.)
Alright. So it seems like this episode wasn’t hugely popular with most people, but I for one LOVED it.
It was SO Funny.
Seriously, there were so many great lines and great scenerios, and while the entire episode might not have seemed to be in sequence or whatever, I still think it was hilarious. It had parts for a lot of the characters, and it didn’t drag to freqently on any relationships.
I much preferred it to last weeks episode, “The Negotiation”, which seemed to drag (it WAS a supersize episode) and wasn’t very humorous. Except for Michael wearing a woman’s suit, of course.