The Office: Sex Ed, 7.04

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The Office: Sex Ed

Writer: Paul Lieberstein, Director: Paul Lieberstein

Summary (NBC): Michael, believing he has herpes, contacts all his ex-girlfriends, including Jan and Holly. Andy tries to play on Erin’s compassionate side by holding a sex education meeting for the office. Guest stars: Melora Hardin, Amy Ryan, Linda Purl, Amy Pietz, and Nancy Carell.

The Office Sex Ed extras

The Office Sex Ed rating

In a poll conducted October 14-18, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.52/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Sex Ed quotes

Man: No quiero decir mas.

Dwight: Donde are you from?

Dwight: Poor hornet.

Dwight: When did the phrase “do or die” become so corrupted?

Michael: Good morning, Erin. Any mustaches, I mean messages?

Michael: There are many reasons a man would wear a fake mustache to work. He is a fan of the outrageous. He loves to surprise!

Michael: It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.

Pam: It’s just good to catch a Michael train of thought early before it derails and destroys the entire town.

Kevin: You have a penis?

Michael: If you’re guessing 46, just say 46.

Angela: This is what you get when you treat your body like an outhouse.

Andy: The number one sexually transmitted disease… is ignorance.

Dwight: What port? The Jan port? The Holly port?

Dwight: You need to notify her that she is crawling with herpes.

Dwight: I’m just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.

Michael: H-I-R-P-E-E-S.

Holly: This is Holly.
Michael: No, this is Holly.

Michael: Were they in the missionary position?

Andy: Hot pizza, check it and see, I got a whole bunch of pepperoni…

Holly: You romanticize things.

Holly: You cried at that tagline for a movie you made up.

Michael: He had no arms or legs. He couldn’t see, hear, or speak. This is how he led a nation.

Michael: Maybe we were more than we were.

Dwight: He forgot to mention the herpes.
Michael: It didn’t come up organically.

Dwight: Is there an operating theater that’s open to visitors?

Andy: What, ’cause he’s black?
Jim: Nope. It’s ’cause it’s genitalia.

Michael: Between the sheets, we were like Jordan and Pippen.

Jan: No, I’m the princess. And the queen.

Michael: I used to think that she was the one. Or at least a “the one.”

Creed: The feeling of pure risk.

Dwight: Today is about herpes. Who gave it to you, who has it, and who is going to pay.

Darryl: What’s the safest way to go skiing? Don’t ski.

Andy: I’m not going to use my penis, Oscar. It’s not exactly hard right now anyway.

Meredith: Give it a rest, Pencil Dick!

Gabe: Nothing would make me happier than to hand you the hand of the hand once in my hand.

Michael: I’m between specialists right now.

Dwight: Excuse me. Someone died in the upstairs bathroom, didn’t they?

Darryl: Are you crying?
Andy: No, I’m just sweating.

Darryl: Be your best self.

Holly: I can’t come to the phone right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tiny truck backing up.

Michael: I don’t feel for them anything like what I feel for you.

Michael: I don’t know why you downgraded what we had, but I did not make us up.

Michael: You may have given me a sexually transmitted disease. Herpes duplex.

Dwight: I’m going to need a list of every man you’ve ever had sex with. I’m talking train stations, mens’ rooms…
Michael: Flower shops, fireworks celebrations…
Dwight: Fence with a hole in it…
Michael: Moonlit gondola, carriage ride through Central Park…
Dwight: The woods behind the liquor store, the swamp behind the old folks home…
Michael: Electric car dealership…
Dwight: The Democratic primary…

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