The Office: Sex Ed, 7.04

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The Office: Sex Ed

Writer: Paul Lieberstein, Director: Paul Lieberstein

Summary (NBC): Michael, believing he has herpes, contacts all his ex-girlfriends, including Jan and Holly. Andy tries to play on Erin’s compassionate side by holding a sex education meeting for the office. Guest stars: Melora Hardin, Amy Ryan, Linda Purl, Amy Pietz, and Nancy Carell.

The Office Sex Ed extras

The Office Sex Ed rating

In a poll conducted October 14-18, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.52/10

See all The Office Season 7 ratings.

The Office Sex Ed quotes

Man: No quiero decir mas.

Dwight: Donde are you from?

Dwight: Poor hornet.

Dwight: When did the phrase “do or die” become so corrupted?

Michael: Good morning, Erin. Any mustaches, I mean messages?

Michael: There are many reasons a man would wear a fake mustache to work. He is a fan of the outrageous. He loves to surprise!

Michael: It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.

Pam: It’s just good to catch a Michael train of thought early before it derails and destroys the entire town.

Kevin: You have a penis?

Michael: If you’re guessing 46, just say 46.

Angela: This is what you get when you treat your body like an outhouse.

Andy: The number one sexually transmitted disease… is ignorance.

Dwight: What port? The Jan port? The Holly port?

Dwight: You need to notify her that she is crawling with herpes.

Dwight: I’m just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.

Michael: H-I-R-P-E-E-S.

Holly: This is Holly.
Michael: No, this is Holly.

Michael: Were they in the missionary position?

Andy: Hot pizza, check it and see, I got a whole bunch of pepperoni…

Holly: You romanticize things.

Holly: You cried at that tagline for a movie you made up.

Michael: He had no arms or legs. He couldn’t see, hear, or speak. This is how he led a nation.

Michael: Maybe we were more than we were.

Dwight: He forgot to mention the herpes.
Michael: It didn’t come up organically.

Dwight: Is there an operating theater that’s open to visitors?

Andy: What, ’cause he’s black?
Jim: Nope. It’s ’cause it’s genitalia.

Michael: Between the sheets, we were like Jordan and Pippen.

Jan: No, I’m the princess. And the queen.

Michael: I used to think that she was the one. Or at least a “the one.”

Creed: The feeling of pure risk.

Dwight: Today is about herpes. Who gave it to you, who has it, and who is going to pay.

Darryl: What’s the safest way to go skiing? Don’t ski.

Andy: I’m not going to use my penis, Oscar. It’s not exactly hard right now anyway.

Meredith: Give it a rest, Pencil Dick!

Gabe: Nothing would make me happier than to hand you the hand of the hand once in my hand.

Michael: I’m between specialists right now.

Dwight: Excuse me. Someone died in the upstairs bathroom, didn’t they?

Darryl: Are you crying?
Andy: No, I’m just sweating.

Darryl: Be your best self.

Holly: I can’t come to the phone right now, but please leave a message at the sound of the tiny truck backing up.

Michael: I don’t feel for them anything like what I feel for you.

Michael: I don’t know why you downgraded what we had, but I did not make us up.

Michael: You may have given me a sexually transmitted disease. Herpes duplex.

Dwight: I’m going to need a list of every man you’ve ever had sex with. I’m talking train stations, mens’ rooms…
Michael: Flower shops, fireworks celebrations…
Dwight: Fence with a hole in it…
Michael: Moonlit gondola, carriage ride through Central Park…
Dwight: The woods behind the liquor store, the swamp behind the old folks home…
Michael: Electric car dealership…
Dwight: The Democratic primary…

Icon provided by pessimistreader.

121 comments

  1. I’ve actually been very happy with 3 of these episodes so far, and Counseling was ok. I thought it was very funny over all and I laughed out loud several times…much better than the lineup of the last 3 years.
    -Jan was hilarious, I loved how she called her daughter Assy.
    -Carol was just like S3 and I loved it
    -the Andy stuff reminded me of the Return in S3, LOLed most during that part.

    Several other lines I found very funny. That cold open was very weird. Overall the writing seemed much sharper than it has in some previous episodes.

  2. A good melancholy episode. Not a feel good one but it definitely made me feel something. Poor Michael. Poor Andy. :(

    Still I wonder did Michael have herpes? They left it unresolved.

  3. Serendipitous episode- I’m an RA and we were watching tonight as a staff, and we burst out screaming when Andy said he was an RA in college- we were all definitely feeling a little cooler to work in student services tonight!!!

  4. I just have to say this season has been amazing the writers are doing such a good job! With that being said i loved this episode! My favorite parts was Darryl telling Andy to man up, and then him just saying that’s what he tells everyone. Also the whole Oscar part at the end, so good! Dwight really shined this episode i must say. I loved every second of it!

  5. Best episode in a long time! Paul should write every episode because this was classic “the office.”

  6. Weirdest. Cold open. Ever.

    I am so disappointed they didn’t show that clip from Mindy’s last Craig Ferguson appearance, I was really looking forward to some Ryan/Kelly. Like, a lot. I am so bummed.

    Dwight was hilarious, and all this self reflection Michael has been doing lately is making me feel so pensive, they seem really determined to let him grow as a character a bit before Steve leaves, which is nice. Also, I’m pretty sure Andy hasn’t freaked out that much since S3. That was all kinds of awesome.

  7. This episode defintely belongs in my top 10. It was funny but very sad at the ending with Andy and Michael. But overall a solid 10 and my favorite of the episode yet!

  8. Upside: Jan looked great, was sane (if a bit musical), and was an awesome mom. How cute was Astrid?
    Downside: Michael downgrading their relationship the way he did. Holly was right, Michael was wrong. And how long do we have to hear him rhapsodize about a woman he knew for a couple months who chose a lame HR gig in Nashua over him and got engaged to someone else 5 minutes later? At least Jan can point to a clear mental breakdown. I call fail. And promo tease.
    Also upside: Great to see Carol!
    Also upside: Gay witch hunt callback!
    Also upside: “I am the princess. And the queen.” LOL!
    Unfortunately, the downside keeps me from rating this well at all. Boo.

  9. Loved tonight’s episode! This is the office I have missed and been waiting for. I think it was great to see all the reunions with the former girlfriends and the callbacks to Andy’s anger management problem and the kiss with Oscar. Classic Michael!

  10. Disappointing. I was really looking forward to this episode. The “Michael’s women” story seemed contrived, and not believable, even for Michael, to push Michael in a new direction for Steve’s last season. The B story was just not funny and seemed contrived as well. I know last week’s episode was self contained and I didn’t expect it to come up in this week’s episode, but Andy seemed to gain lots of confidence in Andy’s Play. This week he regressed to Anger Management guy from season 3 when he threw the pizzas against the wall. The cold open was flat.

    Loved the tag at the end recalling Gay Witch Hunt though!

  11. No, Michael. Today is about herpes. Did anyone else think that that was not Amy Ryan’s voice on the phone? It just did not sound like her to me. Overall, great episode. Ed Helms is amazing. The Office seems to push the envelope first using “boner” in sexual harassment and now describing a penis as “not even hard”. Great start to the season!

  12. A return to form for The Office, in my eyes. Haven’t been too impressed with the season so far, I’ve found it decent but I knew the show was capable of much more. These are my favorite kinds of episodes, just the right blend of comedy and heart.

  13. Best episode of the season. Michael’s message to Holly at the end of the episode came close to early Jim and Pam in its emotionality, but more importantly, this ep brought a lot of funny.

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