The Office: Baby Shower, 5.04

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The Office

Writer: Aaron Shure, Director: Greg Daniels

Summary (NBC): Michael practices for the birth of Jan’s baby by having Dwight go over possible birthing scenarios. Michael tells Holly that he will pretend to dislike her for Jan’s benefit.

The Office Baby Shower rating

In a poll conducted Oct. 16-20, Tallyheads rated this episode: 7.74/10

See all The Office Season 5 ratings.

The Office Baby Shower quotes

Jim: Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight.

Jim: This baby will be related to Michael through … delusion.

Michael: Andy, would you like to have my baby?

Michael: Scream it out! Scream it out!

Dwight: Growing up, I performed my own circumcision.

Dwight: Do you have the Sharpie? Do you have the Sharpie?

Dwight: Butter. Newborns are slippery.

Michael: This is going to be the happiest day of my life.

Michael: Phyllis, did you get the live storks?

Angela: This is your boy bowl. With the name, “Chevy.”

Angela: Michael wrote down “Astird.”

Michael: Well you know what? Where’s my golden shower?

Phyllis: I’m no longer under Angela’s heel, and her little grape head is under mine.

Michael: Pump it!

Jim: Who’s Sarikaya Komzin?

Angela: I hope you two are very happy together. Pervert.

Michael: She is in the terminal stages of her pregnancy.

Michael: I am doing this to pay respect to her bloated feelings.

Stanley: You think my nipples don’t get sore, too?

Michael: I try to pick up and hold a baby every day.

Michael: If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war.

Michael: It would be a better screenplay idea than a serious suggestion.

Michael: I’m fine, weirdo. Such an HR weirdo.

Dwight: $1,200 is what I spent on my whole bomb shelter.

Jim: The song is about losing your virginity next to a church.

Jan: Oh yeah, the afterbirth floats.

Creed: Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.

Jan: Remind me to talk to you about Astrid’s 529.

Michael: I usually love babies, but when I held Astrid, I just felt … shortchanged.

Darryl: You want to hold me, and see how you feel?

Holly: Oh, I think she’s on a sales call. Waah. More paper. Waah.

Michael: She smells like old tomatoes. And dirt.

Dwight: I like to call this, The Bumper Test.

Jan: There’s one more thing you can do for me. Don’t date Holly.

Michael: I didn’t feel much when I held Astrid. But I got a good feeling from Holly.

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