The Office: Secret Santa, 6.13

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Writer : Mindy Kaling, Director: Randall Einhorn

Summary (NBC): Michael is outraged when Jim allows Phyllis to be Santa at the office Christmas party. Jim and Dwight try to get everyone into the holiday spirit despite the uncertainty with Dunder Mifflin. Meanwhile, Oscar has a secret crush.

The Office Secret Santa extras

  • Watch the Secret Santa producer’s cut with additional footage!
  • Photos | Promos | Clips
  • From an April 2011 interview with Entertainment Weekly, The Office writer/producer Mindy Kaling chooses Secret Santa as her favorite Michael Scott episode: “My favorite moment is a scene in ‘Secret Santa’ (season 6), where Kevin sits on Michael’s lap. Michael has been angry and hurt all day that Phyllis got to be Santa, so against everyone’s wishes, he dresses up as a competitive Santa. Forget that Kevin, a grown man, is earnestly telling Santa all the toys he wants — it’s Steve’s reaction. When Kevin unburdens himself on Michael’s lap, Steve’s voice changed to this distressed, guttural mumble, showing the instantaneous agony he was in. This was literally a laugh out loud moment, because you can see me laughing in the background, completely breaking character.”

The Office Secret Santa rating

In a poll conducted December 10-14, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.567/10

See all The Office Season 6 ratings.

The Office Secret Santa quotes

Dwight: My diabolical plot is on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts with the sound of children singing.

Dwight: I’m just tired. The days are short. I don’t know. Maybe I’m depressed.

Dwight: We are unveiling an artificial tree. That will never die. Like the spirit of Christmas.

Stanley: We’re supposed to applaud you for taking a giant diaper off a fake tree?

Dwight: This was a successful unveiling! Go back to work!

Erin: My cat killed a turtle dove. The French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest.

Andy: Is it my fault that the first eight days there’s basically thirty birds?

Phyllis: I believe I have the right temperament and the figure to do the job well.

Phyllis: It’s been a long journey … but … I’m Santa Claus!

Creed: What if you’ve been really, really bad? More “evil” than strictly “wrong”?

Dwight: I had the exact same idea for catching Osama Bin Laden.

Dwight: He would assemble it to find himself … in jail!

Pam: Is it funny? I thought it was more interesting … than funny.

Pam: Oscar and the warehouse guy. Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!

Michael: It’s insane! A woman Santa? Where does it stop?

Michael: I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. You can use those.

Michael: It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.

Michael: Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there when you can on my lap?

Michael: Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! No, it’s not, like penis-wise.

Michael: I am so sorry that Phyllis hates you. And hates your body.

Kevin: Nobody’s ever let me sit on their lap before.

Michael: Okay, you know what you get? You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn’t have to go through this again.
Kevin: Awesome.

Phyllis: Don’t make me get Bob involved.

Jim: You can’t yell out “I need this, I need this” as you pin down an employee on your lap.

Michael: With two Santas in the room, things get ruthless.

Kevin: Michael, I had you. I just want to try Phyllis.

Stanley: Well, unless the missing piece is a gun, you don’t have a gun.

Michael: It’s not like I’m asking people to buy me diamonds and broach pendants.

Michael: When you need my help because I am ruining everything, don’t look at me.

Pam: Oscar’s pâté is great. I could eat it all day, every day. How come the good ones are never straight, right?

Pam: Yes, they’re the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.

Dwight: We don’t have a North Pole branch. Idiot.

Michael: It’s space garbage. Dwight’s going to be able to build himself a friend.

Michael: You’re going to h-e-l-l, double hockey sticks.

Michael: That’s fantastic. You can make another dress that goes past your feet.

Michael: His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.

Michael: Phyllis, a woman, has uslurped my role as Santa.

Michael: Earlier today, this office needed a Santa. And then it needed a second Santa. And then it needed a Jesus. And now, it needs a Michael. And that’s one suit Phyllis cannot fit into.

Michael: That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus sort of ruined the party. Hurt, petulant Jesus.

Michael: It’s fun to stay at the …
Dwight: Where. Holiday Inn.

Michael: You know what. Christmas isn’t about Santa or Jesus. It’s about the workplace.

Michael: And Stanley … you’re our mailman.

Michael: It’s hard for me to imagine a scenario where Meredith Palmer keeps her job but David Wallace does not.

Michael: I use my little girl voice. Bada bing, bada boom.

Meredith: How about us? It’s Meredith. By the way, your wife is a very lucky woman.

Dwight: I can use this for so many nuts! Macadamias, brazil nuts, pecans, almonds, clams, snails.

Michael: I would like an Xbox and a TV that’s compatible with an Xbox. And I’m sorry.

Michael: Oh god. Get a room, Santas.

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