The Office: The Delivery, 6.17-6.18

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Part 1: Writer: Danny Chun, Director: Seth Gordon
Part 2: Writer: Charlie Grandy, Director: Harold Ramis

Summary (NBC): Pam’s contractions begin but she and Jim are determined to wait it out as long as possible so they can have more time at the hospital. Meanwhile the rest of the office tries to distract Pam from the pain with food and entertainment. Michael anxiously waits for Pam and Jim’s baby to be born. Back at the office, Erin makes Andy jealous when she has lunch with Kevin. Guest star: Linda Purl.

The Office The Delivery extras

The Office The Delivery rating

In a poll conducted March 4-8, Tallyheads rated this episode: 8.97/10

See all The Office Season 6 ratings.

The Office The Delivery quotes

Dwight: My cousin came down with a case of that nasty new goat fungus.

Dwight: I need a baby. I’ll never outsell Jim and Pam without one.

Dwight: I’ve been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd.

Kevin: I cooked my way through Julia Child’s cookbook, and now I’m halfway through the Twilight cookbook.

Kevin: I thought that maybe we should do something special for early dinner. One last Ultra Feast.

Jim: I do not plan on helping unless it’s a boy.
Pam: I cannot wait for that joke to be over.

Michael: Contraptions! She’s contrapting.

Pam: You know the baby’s not going to live here, right?

Jim: It wasn’t conceived here. Burning Man. Port-a-potty.
Michael: Ew! Yuck! TMI. How was it? I don’t want to know. Tell me later.

Michael: Weird I.T. nerd. Don’t get revenge on me, nerd.

Dwight: Bear my child.

Dwight: If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything.

Dwight: Let’s meet at 4pm in our old meeting spot and bang it out.

Jim: She’s the quarterback. I’m just the left tackle who happened to get her pregnant.

Andy: Word of advice. Speaking as a former baby.

Kelly: Omigod, Pam. You are a woman warrior.

Phyllis: I can put on lipstick the way Molly Ringwald does in ‘The Breakfast Club.’

Andy: I can do ‘The Evolution of Dance’ dance.

Dwight: Child will be breastfed by the mother for exactly six months, then weaned on to a nutrient-rich winter vegetable mash provided by the father, Dwight Schrute, hereafter referred to as Morpheus.

Kevin: For the love of God, Pam, do it for Ultra Feast!

Michael: Nobody touch Pam’s nipples! Think of Pam’s nipples as Toby’s grundle.

Meredith: I have a shirt like that in my car!

Kevin: Stick spicy food up her butt!

Jim: Oh and by the way, I hate that you’re helping her with this right now. Totally.

Jim: I’m not crazy. She’s crazy. I’m not crazy. She’s crazy.

Angela: No Star Trek names.

Michael: Too bad you didn’t have sex like 7-1/2 hours later. But you had to have the afternoon delight.

Michael: What? You want to eat cat food with Kevin and not go to the hospital?

Michael: What is October Feast?

Jim: We’re going to have a baby today. A really awesome baby.

Pam: I don’t want to have my baby here!

Dwight: You call the ambulance, I call the cops.

Michael: Should I bring a dictionary to the hospital?
Oscar: The hospital will provide dictionaries. Bring a thesaurus!

Michael: Wish me luck!

Dwight: Michael! Michael! This is where I saw that deer last week.

Dwight: I love escorting people. In fact a few years back, I put an ad in the paper starting an escort service. Got a lot of responses. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends.

Pam: Jim, I don’t want the first thing the baby hears to be the ‘Eight Mile’ soundtrack.

Michael: Do you want your kid to come out a lawyer? Right?

Michael: Where’s my little niblet?

Michael: I gotta go wash my eyes.

Michael: That kid is going to have a lot of hair.

Pam: You want to count her fingers and toes again?

Jim: Her name is Cecelia Marie Halpert, she’s 7 pounds 2 ounces, 18 inches, mother and daughter are doing great.

Jim: I am a diapering master. I have done little else in the past two months. There is nothing I cannot diaper. Go ahead. Try to think of something. I dare you.

Michael: Love you … as a friend.

Michael: The odds of them getting together were insurmountainable.

Michael: Who wants to live in a world where Stanley has two lovers and you don’t have any?

Meredith: I am never getting married. Like Clooney.

Michael: I am going to fill that empty hole in your body with another person.

Nurse: Oh good. You know everything.

Pam: She’s really tentative about latching. I want to keep her self-esteem up.

Michael: You gotta let the cookies cool before you pop them in your mouth.

Michael: Kevin has an enormous heart. Literally. He has an elephant heart.

Erin: Did you grow up around here?
Kevin: No.
Erin: So, you must have grown up around somewhere else?
Kevin: Yes.

Clarke: Actually, I’m the consultant. Got milk?

Pam: Come here, sweetie… oh my god! Wrong baby!

Jim: Can we get a late checkout?

Dwight: I couldn’t find your iPod.

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