Summary (NBC): Jim and Pam are out of excuses so they have no choice but to go out with Michael and Helene (guest star Linda Purl). Meanwhile, Dwight is strangely doing nice things for everyone in the office.
Writers: Warren Lieberstein and Halsted Sullivan Director: Reggie Hudlin
Summary (NBC): It’s Halloween and the office plans a “Haunted House” for the children in the community. And at an important business meeting, Michael falls into a koi pond. Pam and Andy go cold calling to drum up more sales.
Michael: Join your gangster pumpkin on his pallet truck of doom.
Darryl: This is a surgery with an octopus and a burn victim.
Darryl: Label yourselves or take what you get.
Jim: Yes, I am the popular social networking site known as Bookface.
Michael: Why is Christmas the only holiday that can have a message?
Michael: Who wants candy?
Michael: I can’t believe it’s yogurt.
Michael: Why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional?
Michael: Let me go get your stroller.
Michael: This is not the phone, this is real life, baby, and you gotta own it.
Jim: He’s trying to micro co-manage me. Or … co-micromanage me.
Andy: Now my head hurts. Feels like I held in a sneeze.
Michael: Jim and I got caught in a little flash rain, flash wind, flash lightning.
Meredith: I don’t think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.
Andy: Looks like somebody’s got a case of the “definitelys.”
Oscar: Did Michael fall into a koi pond?
Michael: I’m not going to bump, and it was not hilarious.
Jim: Truthfully, it wasn’t the way he fell in, it was how long it took him to get out.
Andy: My girlfriend, on a scale of 1 to Gisele, uh, a 9.
Andy: We put our baby in Pam. It doesn’t matter what Pam looks like.
Stanley: Michael, don’t listen to them. You just ignore their carping.
Dwight: They’re mocking you with wordplay!
Creed: Hey boss, did you find Nemo?
Oscar: Don’t you mean, ‘Koi Story’?
Phyllis: When you fell in, did you flounder?
Michael: I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.
Michael: Who here has been koi ponded?
Andy: I love to dance … Pam: … I love to watch him dance!
Phyllis: So now you’re comparing yourself to a cute, tiny animal?
Creed: Who’s your worm guy?
Andy: Omigosh, like a little magical foot just high-fived me!
Andy: Message received, little soybean.
Jim: I am a big, stupid goofball.
Michael: I just wanna say that I cannot believe that I walked into a koi pond. I mean, seriously. Walk much? Oh. I should wear a snorkel to the next business meeting that I go to. Phyllis: Michael. You know, when you think about it, it’s not all your fault. I mean, who puts a koi pond in a lobby? Michael: Well, you know what? You’re right, Phyllis, but I’ve been there before. I’ve seen that pond. This is the thing, I am a world class moron. That’s the problem. Dwight: Michael, please. Stop it now. You’re embarrassing yourself. Michael: It’s okay. We’re having fun. It’s actually not the first time I’ve been embarrassed by a pond. In high school, the girls volleyball team always used to throw me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row. Oh… it was freezing. No. No. No. Oh, this is even worse. Couple weeks ago, I went to get a new cell phone and I wanted one of those packages where you have the five, you know, the friends, friends and family thing, and the guy was like, “who are your five friends?” and I’m, like, “uh…,” I didn’t even know, I couldn’t even think. Oh my god, it was so embarrassing. I don’t even have Jan’s cell phone number, and I hate her! She won’t give it to me. I was like, “oh, I guess I’m a loser.” A loooooze-er. Too far! God! Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for the advice.
Kevin: Enjoying your nut?
Andy: Going by the Nard Dog curve, I’d say we nailed it!
Andy: I gotta get my goin’ out on.
Kevin: No, use QuickTime. Trust me, I’ve done this.
Jim: It’s a killer new dance move.
Dwight: Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So actually Jim is my enemy. But …
Michael: Jim is jealous of me? Jim is jealous of me.
Writers: Greg Daniels and Mindy Kaling Director: Paul Feig
Summary (NBC): The office travels to Niagara Falls to celebrate Jim and Pam’s wedding under strict orders not to mention Pam’s pregnancy. Michael, Dwight, and Andy all want to hook up with guests at the wedding. One-hour long.
Writer: Jennifer Celotta, Director: Jennifer Celotta
Summary (NBC): David Wallace breaks the bad news that not everyone will get a raise this year. Dwight reaches his breaking point with Jim and looks to the rest of the office for allies. Pam would like cash instead of wedding gifts.
Summary (NBC): A request by Jim leaves Michael feeling insecure and defensive. Meanwhile, Pam deals with the guest list for the wedding, and Dwight convinces Toby to investigate Darryl’s worker’s comp claim.
Writer: Paul Lieberstein, Director: Paul Lieberstein
Summary (NBC): Michael feels left out as the rest of the office gossips about the summer interns. While Michael searches for the next juicy rumor to share, Andy struggles with heterosexuality. Season 6 premiere.