The Office: Phyllis’ Wedding, 3.16

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The Office Phyllis' Wedding

Writer: Caroline Williams, Director: Ken Whittingham

Summary (NBC): Phyllis regrets giving Michael an important job at her wedding after several embarrassing moments. Pam has flashbacks of her own wedding planning when she sees Phyllis’s decorations.

The Office Phyllis’ Wedding extras

The Office Phyllis’ Wedding quotes

Jim: Hey Dwight, do you want an Altoid?

Dwight: My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.

Michael: Phyllis is getting married, and I am in the wedding party. She’s asked me to push her father’s wheelchair down the aisle. So basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary, it is like, I am paying for the wedding. Which I’m happy to do. It’s a big day for Phyllis. But it’s an even bigger day for me. Employer of the Bride.

Pam: Phyllis ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like, wait, I thought I called that off.

Dwight: Hello, Angela.
Angela: Hi, Dwight.
Dwight: You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.
Angela: Thank you. Don’t linger. Break left.

Dwight: The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic. But the weddings are a bleak affair.

Pam: Also ‘Pam and Roy.’

Michael: There she is! I swear, Phyllis, you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin.
Phyllis: Thanks, Michael, that’s sweet. Same as when you said it outside.

Michael: If you need to vomit, that is okay. I did.

Michael: Phyllis, did you break wind?

Michael: Wow, that is … that is pungent.

Michael: You might be surprised to learn that I have only been to one other wedding.

Michael: … and the irony is that, after the ceremony, that dog peed on everything. And nobody said boo.

Dwight: Why are all these people here? There’s too many people on this earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?

Dwight: I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. That’s the thing about bear attacks. They come when you least expect it.

Kelly: I look really good in white.

Pam: That’s my dress!

Michael: This is b*llsh*t.

Michael: Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now, the wedding has no highlight.

Michael: I got news for you, Albert. If that’s your real name. Show’s not over.

Angela: Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white my eyes are burning.
Phyllis: Thanks, Angela.

Michael: If you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you.
Bob Vance: If you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I’ll kill you.
Michael: Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis.

Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Pam: What do you mean?
Kelly: Well, this was supposed to be your wedding.
Pam: Oh, um, no, that’s um, it’s actually fine.
Kelly: There’s no way it’s fine, I’m sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out, and get really drunk, and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam: Okay, that’s a lot of good ideas. Thanks.

Michael: What can I do to make it more perfecter?

Kevin: No, this is not our first wedding. This is the third wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist’s wedding, and our guitarist’s wedding.

Kevin: I’m supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old, and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It’s a very serious situation.

Randy: Phyllis, you’re a wonderful woman. And you’re a hell of a bowler!

Michael: My name is Michael Scott. Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as “the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” Well you know something? I think you guys are two metals … gold metals. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Michael Scott, Phyllis’ boss. To quote from The Princess Bride, mare-widge!

Michael: Phyllis and Bob, their celebrity couple name would be … Phylob. You look at her, and she’s kind of matronly today. But back in high school, I swear, her nickname was “Easy Rider.”

Michael: I hate you!

Jim: Hey.
Pam: Hey!
Jim: When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves?
Pam (laughing): I’m pacing myself.
Jim: C’mon. Get out there! Give the people what they want!
Pam: Oh, I’m such a dorky dancer.
Jim: I know. It’s very cute.

Jim: Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested, then … no, it’s totally hypothetical.

Dwight: You’re a real-life wedding crasher, and I must bounce you. I’m sorry, it gives me no pleasure.

Jim: Here’s a non-hypothetical. I’m really happy I’m with Karen.

Toby: Toby. Yeah!

Uncle Al: The Celtics were a great team.

Michael: Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for a half an hour, even though most of that stuff went right over my head.

Phyllis: You found Uncle Al!
Michael: Yeah, yeah, he’s kind of a weirdo.

Michael: They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash, that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say, let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that. About marriage. Smart broad.

Icon courtesy of un_den_iable.


  1. ivan pavlov’s classical conditioning experiment LOL best cold open ever.

    The “webster’s dictionary” thing was copied in steve’s SAG awards speech.


  2. I hurled a tirade expletives at the screen, the likes of which my TV has never seen.

    Roy and Pam?! Jim and Karen happy!?


  3. do pam and roy hook up? my boyfriend says no way. he says pam wants to but roy won’t let her. any thoughts??

  4. went by fast. it probably didn’t help that i watched every single spoiler. and that was a major setback for the Jam situation. michael’s a retard. that’s all.

  5. wtf is up with pam?!
    she sucks!!!!
    i cannot beleieve she went with roy.
    freaking idiot girl!

    i am really upset.

  6. Hey wait, did Jim say here’s a hypothetical, or here’s a non-hypothetical? GAHHHHHH I don’t know!

  7. I thought this episode was fairly weak other than the awesome cold open and a few other gems (i.e. Dwight’s smirk after throwing Michael out). Michael was just terribly annoying and childish…even MORE than usual!

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